Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
