I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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