she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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