Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
