Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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