Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
