so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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