I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize