My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
