The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
