No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
