Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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