i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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