3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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