Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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