they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How does one acquire holy water?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
