he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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