I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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