You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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