Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
