you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
