I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
