That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
