You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
