im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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