it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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