I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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