I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
