This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize