Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
