I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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