how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
