My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
