Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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