hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
