Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
