I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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