Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
