i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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