What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i think my cat just said my name.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
