So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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