i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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