Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
