You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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