Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
