You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
