Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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