grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
