This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
