Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
