Jerry, you need to find god
It's Friday. Sex?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
