:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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