whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
