Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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