if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
