community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize