Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
