oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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