from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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