Kiss
Puke
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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