i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
