you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
