i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
