Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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