My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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