Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
