yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
