Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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