she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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