thus making me awesome and them whores
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
