my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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