Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I died a long time ago.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
