is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had sex on a roof
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
