Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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