Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize