When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize