Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
