Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
