This is not my ceiling
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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