My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
