I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My breasts were aching with rage.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
