16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
