you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
