I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
