Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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