Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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