Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
