I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
