She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
