tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
