She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
