I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
